How she Used to be
by thepenguinaw1
Summary: She was a shining star, one that I admired, but I could only hold on to her for as long as this world would let me. OOC Ruby, basically just drabbles. First fic, so poor writing and incoherent plot, if you can even find it.
1. How it Started

how she used to be

Every time we were in the same room, it seemed glaringly apparent to me; Weiss was special. Every time she spoke, I would stop and listen, it didn't matter what I was working on, Crescent Rose would be there when I would come back, she would understand. I listened because it seemed a crime to do anything else. To ignore the graceful singing swan before me would be akin to ignoring a triple rainbow while the sun sets over the serene Mistrali beaches. Her words all had a purpose, no breath was wasted, and as such every word was worth listening to, regardless of my infatuation.

It wasn't just how she sounded, it was even more so what she said. Whenever she scolded me, I never felt the words as scathing as people described them, I never felt the harsh sting that others complained of. All I felt was a warmth within me, for I knew that she cared. She wouldn't expend so much energy on calling me a dunce if she didn't.

She was also stunningly beautiful, in a mature sort of way, far from the appeal she mustered in the first year of Beacon. Growing not only in height but also adding extra confidence to boot. When I couldn't take care of the team properly, she would always step in without me saying a word. She was the unofficial second in command, and I think she preferred it that way, without having expectation weighing on her with every step, while still being able to make a difference.

She always cared so much, cared about the way she talked, how she presented herself, how she looked before each day. Most of all, she cared about every one of us, even when we didn't deserve it. She would be icy, surely, but that would never stop her from helping us when we needed it. She was always selfless like that, even if she would never show you that part of her voluntarily.

She cared too much at times, she would do things like stay up all night helping me complete projects that I didn't put enough effort into in class. When we would go out on partner-based missions she would always insist that I get the last of our rations, and if I refused she would find some way of tricking me into taking it. I would always somehow end up with the majority share of the blanket when we were lying together. She would always end up taking hits or overextending for me when I got sloppy. She usually had the aura to back it up, until she didn't.

It just happens like that sometimes. There's not much of anything you can do about it or do to prepare for it. You can't tell them goodbye on every mission, so you're only left to say it when it's too late… always too late.

A stray Beowulf claw, a misplaced Ursa tusk, maybe an unexpected Nevermore, all would lead to the same result. It happened with my mother, happened with Yang during the third year, and now it was happening again, this time right in front of my eyes. There wasn't much I could do, other than sit and wait, watch it happen, accept the inevitable, after all it always seems that way. No matter how hard you try, you will fail, and you will fail when the people you care about need you the most, it's been the truth of my family for as long as I can remember.

It almost made me sad, almost made the tear slipping down my face mean something. Almost. I couldn't feel much of anything to be honest. Does that make me a bad person? If it does I can't find it in myself to care. Too much has happened for me to be affected the same way I used to be.

I've come to accept my fate to walk Remnant alone, for the Reaper has no one, she is the master of death, and as such shouldn't expect to have the things that normal people can have. Shouldn't expect happiness. Doesn't deserve happiness. And that's how it should be, she's better off like that after all, I like to think.


	2. How it Was

How she Used to be

I've always loved the sun, so beautiful, so reliable. If you can count on nothing else in this world, you can count on the sun coming over the horizon in the morning. Even when everything else has gone to shit, you still have that. It's a shame, then, that it doesn't warm me like it used to, doesn't cradle me like my mother should have been able to, both stripped from me in time.

The Valesian forests were known for their high trees, with thick bases and strong, long branches, one of which I rest on as I watch the awakening of the forest around me. Even though I'm sure it's been said thousands of times before by people smarter and more creative than I am, nature is beautiful, much more so than mankind. I think at this point I'd have a harder time killing a wild dog than putting down a White Fang soldier.

Out here, I don't have to worry about anything but myself and my mission, two things I seems to excel at dealing with. After Beacon, I went on a few missions with what was left of my team, but it never felt right, never felt like I was making the difference that I needed to make. After going solo, I've never had to deal with that, never had to deal with other people slowing me down, never had to deal with being kept up at night staring at silver strands mere inches from my face, never had to deal with losing someone.

Missions ranged from finding a lone Grimm that had eluded hunters one too many times, to finding, confronting, and sometimes killing rogue hunters. It was never a pleasure, but after the first few it wasn't a harrowing task either. If I win, he dies. If I lose, I die. Either is fine.

This one isn't so much a mission, as much as a rite of passage. Every huntress must kill a mutated Grimm in order to be considered a veteran. Mutated Grimm are things of legend, Grimm either so old or so powerful that not only their minds have developed but also their bodies, in ways that no other Grimm has. Some Ursa mutate extra armor, some Nevermores grow another set of wings. The mutations combined with their extensive experience and size makes them extremely dangerous for most.

I can see it from here, lazily swinging its three tails around while surveying the area. It could really work on its stealth, though I suppose it doesn't need it, given the speed it has. If it were to sprint, almost nothing could beat it, people like myself being the exception, but I'm not looking to get into a footrace, I'm looking to end it, and so I do. In one easy movement of my wrist, Crimson Rose unfolds, the sharp teeth added to the inside during Beacon bounce rays of sunlight all around. I step off the branch, and a few seconds and about two-hundred feet later and it's done. A _legendary_ creature slain, just like that. Almost as pathetic as the hunters that have died attempting the same thing.

I have always been a prodigy, though it has rarely helped. Alienated in Signal because of my abilities, and just when I thought they would finally be useful in Beacon because of my advanced abilities, the reality that there are things far more powerful out there hits, and suddenly all the talent in the world isn't able to stack up against the experience of a few veteran criminals.

Yang paid for my cockiness, though I doubt she sees it that way, no one else does, but what else can I blame it on? I ordered the engagement, I forced us to push, I escalated the fight to the point that one side would have to lose massively, and I just never though that side would be my own. But I learned from it, learned that you can't stop where you are, because however good you are right now isn't enough, and if you think it is, that just means that you'll be the first to go.

That's why I've never stopped, and when people around me tried to slow me down, I pushed them back and kept going, going, going. And I've been going ever since, because the Reaper never stops, never slows down for anyone. And that's how it should be, she's better off like that after all, I like to think.


End file.
